Meet The (Maybe) Contenders, Part 1: Philadelphia

[Yeah, I should have been doing this all along and made less work for myself, but what are you gonna do?]

The Hollywood round hasn't arrived yet to winnow this group down yet, but if you haven't been following the show or haven't been able to distinguish one boringly proficient audition from the next, here's a quick rundown of the actual contenders from each audition episode. This post covers the Hollywood-bound out of Philadelphia:


Name? Joey Catalano (19, Mays Landing, NJ)
Major malfunction? Former fatty. Lost 200+ pounds. Ugly, wide-collared shirt.
For real? Personable as hell and he can sing...Maroon 5 songs.

Name? Jose Candelaria (23, Bayonne, NJ)
Major malfunction? Sideways baseball hat. Comparatively little screen time.
For real? If you caught his Spanish-language rendition of "Unbreak My Heart" mini-audition, you might think so.

Name? Jonathan Baines (17, Smyrna, DE)
Major malfunction? Glorified cameo in audition episode.
For real? Maybe. He might exist in a kind of no man's land where he comes across as too mature to get adopted by the fangirls a la Sanjaya, Covais, et cetera, but also too young (17) to avoid the haters of youth and beauty (i.e., the Taylor fans). We'll see.

Name? Angela Martin (26, Chicago, IL)
Major malfunction? Single mom whose daughter as Retts Syndrome. Name-checked Simon in audition.
For real? People seem to think the tragedy makes her a shoo in, but that's what we all thought about Denise the crack baby last year, and instead the rich football player's daughter won, so...

Name? Kristy Lee Cook (23, Selma, OR)
Major malfunction? Horse-trainer, kickboxer, cage fighter, actual singer.
For real? I believe Kristy is one of the dozens upon dozens of "ringers" this season, who had a cup of coffee with a record contract previously. She's gorgeous and Christian, which means a lot of people will love her and a lot of people will hate her.

Name? Beth Stalker (28, Grand Blanc, MI)
Major malfunction? Single mom. Recorded album of church songs at age 4 called Little Liz: Jesus Loves Me.
For real? God, I hope so, if only so I can keep bringing up that album title. Her old-fashioned audition ("Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered") is the kind of thing Simon will forever hate, but I really liked her voice.

Name? Chris Watson (20, Dover, DE)
Major malfunction? Tall, dark, and gorgeous. Christ, he couldn't be a recovering shoplifter or something?
For real? Heck yeah. Dude made that infernal Uncle Kracker song sound good.

Name? Brooke White (24, Van Nuys, CA)
Major malfunction? Nanny. Refuses to drink, swear, or see rated-R movies. Mormon?
For real? Eh. She's good-humored and all, but she does nothing for me with that Corrine Bailey Rae song.